Choose Yourself Over Burnout

Come and listen to our Host, Tina Spoletini, as she chats with today's guest, Wendy Taddeucci, for our “Determined, Not Distracted” Podcast Series.

This mini-series serves as your blueprint for a high-impact year, distilling success into three non-negotiables: Goal Clarity, Resilience, and Commitment. By sharpening your focus, hardening your mental toughness, and anchoring your habits in discipline, you’ll shift from chasing temporary inspiration to achieving unstoppable, year-long momentum. 

Wendy Taddeucci is a Life Coach and Soul Protector for high-achieving women who are overwhelmed — women who carry a lot, do a lot, and hold everything together… while quietly putting themselves last.

https://www.facebook.com/WendyTaddeucci/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendytaddeucci/

https://www.pinterest.com/WendyTaddeucci/

We explore how to stay determined without abandoning yourself, turning burnout into ease through boundaries, self-trust, and nervous system care. Wendy Teducci shares personal and client stories that show how peace becomes a daily practice, not an afterthought.

• spotting the gap between looking fine and feeling depleted
• reframing failures into feedback and fuel
• regulating the nervous system to respond, not react
• redefining self-care as foundation, not reward
• building self-trust and letting go of approval
• finding boundaries through honest self-inquiry
• using journaling or creative outlets to process emotions
• practical steps to choose ease over hustle

For more Divas That Care Network Episodes visit www.divasthatcare.com

Transcript

Welcome And Theme: Determined Not Distracted

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's Divas the Care Radio. Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change. Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone. This is a global movement for women by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations. To find out more about the movement, visit divas that care.com after the show. Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Welcome back to Confidence in Bloom, the podcast where we explore what it really looks like to come home to yourself, trust your inner wisdom, and grow your intention. Today's episode is part of our theme, Determined Not Distracted. And this conversation is such a powerful reminder that determination doesn't always look like pushing harder. Sometimes it looks like choosing yourself. I'm joined with Wendy Teducci, a life coach and sole protector for high-achieving women who carry a lot, do a lot, and often put themselves last. Wendy supports women who feel overwhelmed, burned out, and emotionally overloaded and helps them move toward ease, party, and reclaimed inner peace. After the pivotal wake-up call in 2017, Wendy rebuilt her life around one unshakable truth. Connection is the antidote to overwhelm. Through her coaching, speaking, and the Peaceful Pages Collective, Wendy guides women back to themselves, helping them create boundaries, honor their needs, and feel safe living with more presence and peace. This conversation is an invitation to slow down, tune in, and redefine what it means to be truly determined without being distracted from who you are. Hi, Wendy. I'm so grateful that you're here. Welcome to Confidence in Bloom. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

I love the name confidence in Bloom, but anyway, more about that.

Spotting Burnout Behind “Having It Together”

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Thank you. Yeah, me too, actually. That's how I thought I was thinking, gee, if I had to redo this, would I rename it something else? But I do like the confidence in bloom, right? Because all of us, we struggle, right? We struggle with confidence. And once we learn our way and how this is, you know, we grow with it, we bloom into what we have to bloom into, right? Yeah. So you work with high-achieving women who carry a lot, right? How do you see the line between healthy determination and running on empty? And how can women recognize when a challenge is actually trying to redirect them?

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Ooh, okay. So two questions. So the first one, how do I see say it again?

SPEAKER_02 2:50

How do you see the line between healthy determination and the and running on empty?

Jennifer’s Pivot: Boundaries And Daily Care

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Oh, great. Okay, so how do I see the line between healthy determination and running on empty? Ooh, you know, with my with my clientele, with my clients, I see running on empty all of the time. So I know how to spot that. And a lot of times it shows up as on the outside, they have it all together. Like it looks like, yeah, no, they they have they have their stuff together, they're well put together, they're not right. Uh, and on the inside, there are some things happening. They don't feel worthy, they're not sure of themselves, they're in burnout, their nervous systems are shot, right? This is happening inside, and so they're saying, I got it. I'm okay. Oh, yeah, I can do that. Uh, if you ever want to get anything done, give it to a busy person because they will get it done because they don't stop, which is not healthy. Um, so that's what I see all day through, day in, day out, 24, not 24-7, but you know what I mean. Um, when I see a healthy ambition, I will put it, I will put it to you this way. And I'm trying to think of a a particular client to bring to mind. Yes. Her name's Jennifer. And when we first started working together, she was working all of the time. She tallied up how much extra time she gave her company one time that she didn't get reimbursed for, like 40 hours additional that she had to work to get things done. That's not okay. She knows that now. She's like, no, that that is not okay. And and right. Um, so she's she's uh she's pivoting from that, which is exciting. And so she was in this, she was burned out, she was exhausted, and yet she kept going with her work, with her kids, with her husband, with her parents, everything. She did not stop. And as a result, uh, she got really sick, right? Really sick. She couldn't work for a while, right? Um, but that caused her to slow down, re-evaluate, rethink. I don't have to live like this any longer. I need to do something different. What am I gonna do different? And then that's when she and I began to um walk the path, and I'm shining that flashlight for her so she can see, hey, what's this is what's possible in front of you. Let's keep going. And she started taking care of herself. She started uh closing her computer, shutting the laptop at 5 p.m. I'm not doing any work. Sorry, I'm done. I've put in my eight hours. That's it. If you want to pay me more, I'll I might work more, but no, I'm done. Right. Uh because she was doing that, then she started going to the beauty salon. She's like, that's my that's my happy place. I love going to the beauty salon. I get pampered. Great, do more of that. She started going for walks like four or five in the morning. And at first I was like, Why? She's like, No, it's quiet, it's peaceful. I love starting my day like that. I'm like, well, then you do you. I'm still in bed, but you do you, right? Uh, she's getting fresh air, she was getting exercise. She started working with um a functional medicine doctor on some symptoms that she had been having. She's like, Oh my gosh, I'm losing weight, I'm feeling better. I'm right. And this just it just keeps going. So she's working, she's doing the thing, she's there for her family. Um, and she's not, she's not exhausted, she's not overwhelmed. She checks in with herself. How am I how am I feeling in this moment? Oh, okay, I'm good. Or, oh boy, I need to step away from this desk and get some air. I need to do something different, take a little break, come back, right? So that's the first scenario that that you brought of that, you know, what did you call it again, Tina?

Redirects Without A Health Crisis

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Um healthy determination and running on empty. And I love healthy determination. That is like a beautiful story, right? Like, you know, because we all can, you know, resonate with the whole running on empty at some point, right? Like we're tired, we're, but we still have shit to do, right? Our kids will always need us when they're in that growing age, right? Yeah, but the fact that she can like go to the the beauty salon now, not because oh my god, my roots are coming in, like I have to look for work, but more about I feel good when I go in there, feel good, right? Yeah, yeah, like that's that's a totally different wording, right? That's completely different language, and it's it sits differently in your heart. Yeah. So now tell me, how do you how does the like the common woman like recognize that this challenge is actually maybe trying to redirect them, right? Because it's not always about getting sick.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

We don't always get sick. It's not always, and please don't wait until you get sick. Good heavens. But the fact of the matter is, that's almost always the the the first thing that happens that causes a woman to go, oh, okay, yeah, fine, I'll I'll slow down, kind of thing. Um use but what you're asking, Tina, is what does the average woman see? Notice?

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Yeah, like how do they how do they notice that there's a challenge that they're being faced with, but it's also uh like a pivot point.

Wendy’s Wake-Up: Adrenals And Overdrive

SPEAKER_01 9:05

That's a great I can just I can share my story if if that's helpful to you. Yes, please. Yes, absolutely. I've had many pivot points. I guess the the big one for me, okay, it's health related. I wasn't hospitalized. However, um I was experiencing so that let me back up 10 years ago, let's say 10 years ago, I was, you know, head down working so hard. And you know, don't bother me. I don't have time for I just gotta get this done. I gotta get this done. I gotta get like pushing, pushing, pushing. And about that time, my mom ended up in um in an independent living, did not see that coming, was not prepared. Who is? Um, you know, and so it was a stressful time, and yet I kept going, I kept going, I kept going, I kept pushing. Well, I started having some weird symptoms. Like this side of my face was numb. That's not good. My lips were numb. Um, hand, this hand in particular was numb, my feet were numb, my legs were numb, and I'm going, okay, all right. And it took me like six months to get uh to get myself to call the doctor. I know, I know, because I was like, no, I have to do this, I have to, I have to add that nonsense. Finally got into the doctor, and he's like, Well, we're gonna, hmm, that's interesting. And he thought I had MS. Right? He's like, I don't know if this is what it is, but we're gonna we're gonna check this. We're gonna see. Um, did the MRI, did a spinal tap, did all the things, right? Um, and it's not MS. It's um my nervous system was shot. My adrenals were almost shot. That is no joke. You don't want to be in that. Um, I was tired all the time, I was not focused, I was snapping at everybody, like it was not good at all. So that was my huh, okay, I can't keep doing this. Um, that was my wake-up call.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Wow, wow, and so did that require like surgery, or was it more like I'm gonna quit my job, I'm going to take some time off from myself and my family, and then I'm gonna decide what to do. Um, no.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

So none of the above. I have been self-employed since 2015, and so I'm I'm self-employed at this time, right? Still, as I am now. I I can't take time off. Uh, this is like you guys being self-employed, you have to work harder than the person that has the nine to five secure job and paycheck.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

I'm sorry, that's just how it is because you're not working, you're not bringing in money, yeah.

Redefining Self-Care Beyond Pampering

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Exactly. So I can't, I can't not work. Um, I can't take time off. My mom needs me. I'm an only child, it begins and ends with me. Hello. Uh no, I couldn't do and I didn't do any of those things. I don't want to say couldn't, because I could have, right? We all get choices, and I could have chosen to do those. It was not my choice. My the choice. What I chose to do was listen to my inner voice. Listen to my inner voice that kept saying to me, Wendy, you remember how you thought to yourself, Oh, it's so nice how mom gets to sit in her recliner and put her feet up at the end of the day. Wouldn't it be nice to do that? Like, I wasn't even giving myself a time to rest. And so I listened to my inner voice and I went, you know what? That does sound really good. I'm gonna give myself that, right? Um, huh? The doctor says I'm really stressed out and I I need to I need to get back into nature. I need to exercise. I need to, you know what? I'm gonna step outside or I'm gonna go for a walk. Huh. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not focused. I'm I'm a mess. What is what is going on? Oh, by the way, um, I'm in perimenopause. Huh? Actually, I didn't know I was. So I had that stuff happening and I didn't know what it was. And so I just started opening up and talking to my friends, which is very different from what I had been doing before. I would just hide it, hide it, hide it, hide it. I can't let them see I'm weak.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Why we do this? I don't never know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Right. And I was just like, oh, it was so uncomfortable for me at that time that I started opening up. And that's when I started getting, well, Wendy, have you considered calling this doctor? Wendy, have you considered talking to my doctor? Because she knows a lot about perimet, right? And when I did that, when I took the next step and did the next thing, it led me to the next thing. And you see where I'm going with this, right? Um, and I found out that my adrenals were shot. And I found out how to build those back up. It took years, by the way. So don't be like me. Um, it took uh supplement, it took me to eat uh differently, it took me caring for myself to yeah, like self-care, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:42

That's not going to the beauty salon and having your feet painted. And I mean it can be. I mean, it can be. That's that's the good side of the self-care, yeah, right. But self-care includes healthy eating, right? It includes getting out in nature, getting exercise, right? Like it's yeah, sometimes it's the stuff you don't want to do, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

I sometimes, yeah, it's yeah, I don't I don't enjoy it, right? Yeah, um, I don't enjoy it, but we have to do. Yeah, it it's self-care is giving yourself a nap. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

I'm tired. Sometimes it's not giving yourself a nap. Really? Right? Yeah, because so this is what I learned. Uh yeah, we're gonna go back, we're gonna come back because I want to know more about you. But I was told at one point that I was starting to burn out and that my body needed rest, and that was the message I was getting. So I love nap, I love sleep, right? I was one of those teenagers that could sleep till two, right? Oh, me too when I was a teenager. Oh, as a teenager, I can't do that now. Right. I was like, oh, I'm allowed now to get rest. Like I literally slept things, like I could get up, I would get my kids off to school, maybe have breakfast, but I would nap. Then I would get up and have a shower and you know, putts around the house, do the bare minimum of housework, have a nap, and then pick up my kids from school, right? And then often I would drop them off at practice, I see what you're saying. So I was napping all the time to the point where, you know, the the work, like the physical part of being awake in the day was very minimum, right? And because of the perimenopause, I could sleep. Like I never had those nights where, well, I slept all day, I can't sleep now, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Oh, okay, yeah.

Owning The Work: Coaching, Healing, And Depth

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Yeah, and I know that that's not common because most women are like, you know, oh, I can't sleep at all, right? So we can sleep, you know, it it took a lot of work for me to not take that nap sometimes, just so that I could get myself on a better system. So that's part of the self-care that we all need to recognize. What do we really need and what do we really want?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Yes, yeah. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

And it's almost like in your case, you know, if if if I were in your shoes and I found myself napping all the time, I would just be curious about that. No judgment, just wonder what that's about.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Yeah, well, and then it also kind of tied in with depression. The doctor put me on antidepressants, and so I don't know, like for those listeners that have been put on antidepressants, they know it kind of gets worse before it starts to get better. And so I went with that. And unfortunately, it went on too long, but before I caught it, right? So, but you caught it, so that's that's the win.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Yeah, yeah. Go you. That's all the manners that caught it.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Well, exactly, exactly. Right, yeah. So now in this process, like you learned you're not just healing your adrenals, right? There was other things with perimenopause. We all know, us women, unfortunately. There's there's a lot of stuff here in North America that goes on that women are talking about, thank goodness, right? Like, thank God everyone's opening up, but there's a lot of stuff that we don't even consider as a perimenopause symptom that like coincides with everything else, like the adrenals, like who thinks of that? I have a cousin actually who had issues with it, but she had to have surgery, so I don't know, I don't know really too much about them. I don't know how they work. Yes, right, but in all that, like you had to learn how to get your health back, right? And is that how you ended up doing the work that you're doing?

Perception, Experience, And What We Don’t See

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Yeah, I would say that's how I ended up here today. Um, I had to so I had to do a lot of not only like okay, Wendy, you really need to take better care of yourself. I desire to take better care of myself, right? Um, I had to do some deep internal work. A lot of deep internal work, like the heavy, icky, oh my god, this is uncomfortable and I hate it, and I don't want to go through this kind of crap. Not crap. Uh it was very useful. It's crap, but it's very, very healing. I get it. I'm doing that right now. I'm so glad that I went through it. Um, and at my lowest point, I I started working with a coach. Uh she did not have to wrestle me to the ground to sign up with her. I was just like, I was just admitting defeat. I'm like, I just I just can't. I just can't, you know. Um, and so that's when she and I really started diving into my beliefs, my thoughts, my experience, my self-talk, like all of it. Man, that was a lot of work. And um that's what got me to where I am today. I I think I was when we started working together, I yeah, I was already a coach. I was still I was coaching at that point, um, but I was so burned out and so out of my element and so sick that I wasn't able to help anybody else. And I'm like, why am I doing why am I doing this? I'm not meant to be a coach, I'm not meant to do this, I'm not helpful. Well, geez, I you gotta work on yourself first before you can help anybody else. Um, and that's what I did, and now I'm an even better and stronger coach. And I don't say that, you know, to be sarcastic or boastful. It's just this is this is my reality, this is what I've created. Um and I keep learning and I keep growing and I keep um, you know, just up leveling. And so that's what I that's who I did. That that's what I did for myself. That's what I also do for my clients is I help them to come back home to themselves and start up leveling. What is it that they want?

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Yeah, I love it. And one thing I've learned your clients will only go as deep as you go. Yeah, right. Yeah. So if you're not willing to go there, you're not gonna attract the clients that are willing to go there. And that's the unfortunate part because we all, you know, I think it was said once that every child needs therapy. Anyone who's ever been a child, right, will need therapy at one point in their life. Because we all, I mean, we're all here experiencing something different at the same time, right? And so we're all gonna we're all gonna feel like it's all gonna feel different in our body no matter what the experience is, right? And so, you know, and I'm sure you don't okay, so you don't have any siblings. How many children do you have? Zero. You don't have oh, you don't have kids, so you have no one to look after you. When you're older, but I know, like my brother and I I mean, we came from the same parenting, we were parented the same, you know, for the most part. I mean, my brother was the boy, so he didn't have to do a lot of the stuff the girl, like I had to do. We were loved the same. Like when I would never say that my parents loved either one of us more or different. Like we were loved the same, we were treated the same. And yet the things that he notices about my parents and complains about as we were children, yeah. I'm like, are you kidding me? Like I was like, that's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Oh, isn't that interesting? Right. And so different perspectives. Different perspectives because of the experience that we're having at the moment. 100%, right? Yeah, yeah. And so as coach, and you know this because you're you're living it now, you're you're teaching this to your clients, right? Like it's your experience and your experience only that you have to talk about and deal with.

Reframing Mistakes And Using Challenges As Fuel

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Uh yes, and it's not about me. No, and I meant that.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

I meant that like your client, right? Like what you're teaching your client is what your client is going through.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

I love it. I love the whole, you know, especially self-care, like teaching women how to like really look after themselves. Like, we have no idea. And I say we because I walked into it not knowing.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Really?

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Yeah. Like, I what's self-care? What's self-love?

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Right. I didn't know isn't that interesting? Yes. How many how I was at yes, I was there too. Like, what do you mean? I don't self-I don't need self-care. I'm tough. I can I I've got this. Oh gosh. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Like you had said at the beginning, like when we were talking about, you know, you had said that you're they have it all together, right? You see women all the time. Oh, yeah. See all the time. Yeah. When we look at a woman, oh, I want to be like her, she has it all together. But what we don't see is what's going on inside of her, right? And that is we I so I think this is how I sort of defined self-care was I know how to put an outfit on, I know how to put an outfit together. When I leave the house, if I can look like I have it all together, I must.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Ah, yeah, I was in that space too. Okay, I I look, I look good. I look so this is that's what matters.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Okay, right? Yeah, and I feel good in my clothes. I mean, I love clothes, so I don't buy clothes that don't feel good on me, right? And one day I had a good friend of mine that said to me, You always have it together. And I'm over here, I'm hiding, and I'm telling myself that I don't have it together. And I was like, wait a minute. I tell myself myself stuff like that all the time, right? But when I put the outfit on, I can put it aside. That's what made me realize that maybe I don't know what self-love and self-care is.

unknown 25:05

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Right? That's that's huge. Because you can put it aside, you can put it aside all day long, but guess what?

SPEAKER_02 25:13

That shit eventually it's gonna exactly, exactly, and that's when you know that's when we're you know forced to it it's gonna slap us in the face at some point, right? When and most of the time, like you said, it's when we get sick. Yeah, that's when yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

It whatever it is will show up at the most inconvenient of times and cause you to go, okay. I guess I have to deal with this, right? Because you make a choice, or no, I'm not ready to deal with it. Whatever's perfectly acceptable, you just have to know your your choice in the moment, not right or wrong. But if you're ready to deal with it, great, that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

And you might make mistakes, right? Like you might, you might 100% gonna make mistakes, yeah. But you're dealing with it, and that's all that matters, right?

Nervous System Regulation And Response

SPEAKER_01 26:12

That is all that matters. And yeah, you're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna make mistakes all the time. But here's the thing it's not, oh man, I made a mistake, I'm you know, whatever you spiral. It's oh, okay, I made a mistake. Hmm. Let's look at it. What went well, what didn't go so well, what might I do differently next time? Right. No blame, no shame, just noticing. Done.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Yeah. And so it's a matter of reframing, right? It's it's a matter of reframing what the challenge is, right? And look at it as, you know, how how is this fueling me? Right, rather than looking at it as this is another failure, right? Like use the challenge as a fuel to move forward, you know, fast or slow, there's no race, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:05

There's no race.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

But as soon as we look at it and we label it if this was a failure, right? We then then that's when we you know we allow the blocks to come in.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Oh yeah, and you you you allow the um the gremlins to come in and and your your itty bitty shitty committee, right? Right to come and and and have a party. No, no, no, no. No, got no time for that.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Yeah, and exactly. And the thing is there you're only gonna get beaten down more, right? If we allow that. Yeah. So when life is throwing us, and there's you know, there's always that one person that can tell us that it's just there's curveball after curveball after curve. The fear, the doubt, the you know, the lack of confidence. Yeah, what do you um like sort of recommend to your to your clients um for practice, right? Like how do you keep them grounded or how do you allow them to keep themselves grounded, you know, and determined instead of always reacting?

Perspective Shift: Becoming The Observer

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Oh, I love that question. Oh so Tina, like you said, there's gonna be curveballs all the time. It's just the constant in life, right? We're all everything's always changing, therefore, there's gonna be some stuff coming into your life that you did not expect, or maybe you did expect, right? Curveballs. And the thing is, when you are in when your nervous system is jacked up, let's just say that, when you're in fight, flight, and freeze, your nervous system is on full alert and you're in reactionary mode, right? The littlest thing just you know disrupts your whole entire day because you're reacting, your nervous system is on full tilt, right? So notice that what came up for me today, what curve balls came at me? Boy, I didn't see this coming again, noticing, who how did that make me feel? Notice the feeling, where might that be coming from, right? And just kind of kind of getting into it. Like, yeah, all right, this is not doesn't feel good, but you know what? I need to figure it out I need to, I'm curious, I don't want to find out what this is all about. It could be I need to journal, I need to get this out, I need to talk to a friend, I need whatever it is, right? That to get you through that. I need to work with a coach, I need to work with a therapist, whoever, whatever. And so when you get your nervous system regulated, when you're calm, when you're in ease and flow, stuff is still gonna come at you. You're still gonna have curveballs, you're still gonna still gonna have these unpleasant surprises at the worst possible time, right? But instead of reacting, you can just be like, oh, huh, here it is. Okay, and from that place you can make a calm decision or choice, you know. Um, here it is. How do I choose to respond? You're going from reacting to huh, okay. I choose to respond to this by noticing it's here, I see it, and now is not the right time for me to deal with this. I'm just gonna put it aside, and I know when I'm gonna pick it back up, or I need to call somebody and talk through this, or I need to just let it sit for a while, and then we'll revisit it. But do you see the difference between fight, flight, and freeze and whoo I'm in my intuition, I'm in my intuitive, intuitiveness, I'm in my calm, and from that place you're making better decisions, you're not reacting and making snap decisions that usually aren't great, right? Um, and you're working for your highest and best self.

Always Learning: No One Has It All Figured Out

SPEAKER_02 31:43

Yeah, and you know what I often will catch myself doing, and I've just learned this is looking, you know what? Have you ever heard that saying, I want to be a fly on the wall? Yeah, I have. I've heard that. Yeah, so I use that all the time, right? Do you really be because and it's mostly because oh, I would love to be a fly on the wall when he's in the room, right? Because there's always that someone who's either like super smart that you want to learn everything from. Oh I get it. Okay, super dumb that says the stupidest things, right? But I want to be there when those conversations are happening. So what I've done with myself is I put myself, you know, when we're I'm in a situation and I don't know how to make a decision, right? Or I don't know what to do. I take myself out of the first person, right? And I put myself either in third or second so that I can make a decision based on what well, I think it makes me make a more level-headed decision, right? When I look at myself as someone else, right, then I just you know what did I do in that situation that I don't want to carry into that situation, right? Like that's now this is right, this is something I'm learning about myself now, right? Had I known that from like in high school, do you remember in high school when we learned first, second, third, it went right over my head? Right now, I mean, we watch how much TV? We all watch a lot of TV, right? That's kind of what I do is I try to put myself in a movie in front of me so that I can look at myself, right? I can look at myself as a non-judgmental person, right? I'm just here to observe right, yep. Now it's not always easy, I'll be honest. I mean, you know, we do have some ownership to unnecessary things, right? You know, that sometimes I'm like, yeah, I don't really want to do it that way, but I'm learning that I can do that, right? And that has helped me move forward in many ways. Yeah, that's what came up to me when you were telling, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

That right there, just just learning that I can do things different ways. Yeah. That's next level, that's powerful, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Right. And and I mean, we can all learn that. Absolutely. Yeah, I love this. So this I love these conversations about you know, self-care, self-love, self-coaching, right? Because we all have something to learn. Oh gosh, yes, it doesn't matter who we are. There's nobody on the earth that knows everything. There's a lot that think they know everything, that think they know, but there's nobody that really knows everything, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:26

Oh my gosh, you got that, yes. You know, at 52 years old, I thought when I got to this point, I'd have everything figured out.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

No, that's a giggle of self, right? Like we don't, we don't. And you know, these young, like so my my daughter's 24, and often she'll say things like that, well, when I'm when I'm your age. Well, no, because when you're you're my age, you're gonna be struggling, not with the same struggles that you're having today, but it'll be different. We always must be struggling. That's that's just human nature, right? Yeah, you know, human nature. It's a different struggle. Yeah, yeah. It's just what we're here to do, right? And it's how we handle the struggle that helps us get through it.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

It's how you handle it and you do it the best that you can, right? Uh, what did I think it was Oprah? No, Maya Angelou, one of the two, I don't remember which one it was. Um, when we know better, we do better, right? Yes, something like that. And isn't that the truth?

Building Self-Trust And Letting Go Of Approval

SPEAKER_02 35:31

Absolutely. And the thing is, you know, my grandma used to always say, With the wiser the older we get, the wiser we get, right? And so you have to live life in order for you to be able to look back and go, if I if I would have done that differently, right? Because we don't we don't know, right? And that brings me to ask you so self-trust, and this is something that I'm learning on my own, right? I have like learned in the last year that I don't have a lot of self-trust for myself, like self-trust. And I it's got me wondering like, does everyone struggle with this, right? Like, is it something that we all struggle with, with trusting ourselves, right? Because I feel like you know, when we're navigating any kind of uncertainty or rebuilding after something tough like what you went through, right? Like, I what part does the trust play? I I I want to know what you think. I have my own ideas too.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

Oh, I love, I love you. Tina, you asked such great, great questions. I love this. So inner trust. Yeah, I think I don't know if I think if everybody's being honest with themselves, yeah, I would say everybody, you know, struggles with at one time or another, some way, shape, or form. Um, I oh, I struggled with that, and I still do to some extent, um, most of my life, right? I just uh second guessing myself, and is this right and is that right? And I want to do this the right way, and I'm worried about how people are gonna see me and notice me, and what are they gonna say about me? And oh my gosh. No, it doesn't matter. It does not matter what anybody else thinks of me, it's none of my business. That's a Michael J. Fox quote. Um, if you've ever read any of his books, and if you haven't, read it. And when I read that line, it's what what people think of me is none of my business. I was like, oh, but oh, oh, and now I'm like, yeah, none of your business. It's it's right. Um and so I still struggle with that, and also um, you know, my clients do too. And it's a lot of reasons, right? Um, but it's that it's going back to noticing it. I noticed that you seem to be kind of really wrestling with this. What's that about? What's going on, right? And then I just let them talk, just just let them go. They almost always like talk themselves through it and go, oh it's not important.

Boundaries Through Awareness And Choice

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Yeah, and and it's also, yeah, and if you notice, like when we do that, yeah, it's always because of external sources, right? Like it's not about why don't we like why can't so if a friend of yours comes to you and says, you know, I'm struggling with this, I really don't know how to handle this, right? We're quick to say, oh, you should do this or you should do that, right? But when we're having the same struggle, that advice doesn't work for us, right? So why can't we take the advice that we give to others and you know keep it for ourselves? Now, and that's where that human experience comes in, right? How do I know what's gonna work for you? Right? Like I have a girlfriend who struggles with her stepdaughter, yeah, and like I I get it, like I know I don't have the same scenario, so I can't compare my, you know, what I would do. And of course, the way I was brought up, my culture and her culture are very different, and so for me to give her like advice, oh, you have to do this, yeah, would never work, right? So I have found myself where I'm I listen to her more because I think, and I feel this is about even myself, and I think most humans, we have the answer, we have the answer inside of us, absolutely, yes, we just don't trust it, right? And so that's when we have to look at it and go, okay, I'll talk it out, right? I'll come up with something, right? Right. And I have to at least try it. If it works, it works. And if it doesn't, I have to try something else. But I have to trust that my instinct is going to get me where I need to go.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah. Oh my gosh, you hit the nail on the head. Like, um, we just we all we all have this, right? And it's just talk it out. What's coming up from this, and then I have the answers. Every we all have that, right? And I feel like it's my honor and it's my pleasure, and it's it's just my mission in life to help women find that within themselves. Like, oh, okay, yes, I have that in me. I know, I know that gut feeling, I know that that's my intuition. This is where it's leading me. And I'm gonna trust that. Or if it does go well, ooh, okay, all right, hmm. What went well, what didn't go well, what might I do differently next time? What did I learn from this? What is this here to teach me? Ooh, that was a tough one. Um, right, and and then just okay, huh? That's yeah, now I understand.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

And just knowing that you have the answer, right? Yeah, I often ask my clients, right? You know, when they say, you know, I'll ask them something and well, I don't know. So I'll say, Well, if you did know what we're doing, right? Right, because we have that answer. If we we just have to sit, right? You know, and that's one skill that coaches, you know, have learned that you need to allow your client that time, right? You don't just ask a question and expect the answer like within a second. You you know, we have to sit and really go inside and think about space what that what the answer really is, right? Because your intuition knows, you know, and I mean we could have a call on intuition alone because we don't we were not I was not trained, I was not trained to listen to my body, right? Like, you know, no one ever said to me, Tina, your body will know, right? Or listen to your intuition. Like if I would have said if those words never came up, and if I would have said to my mom, like, how do I know if it's in me? She would have been like, What are you talking about? Right?

SPEAKER_01 42:39

Oh my gosh, mine too.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Yeah, yeah, like it just wasn't something that you know it was talked about, but yet everybody knows what an intuition is.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Yeah, they might call it something different, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

But we also voice little whatever, right? And so, and and I maybe this is you know part of you know, something, like I said, we can have a whole full conversation on this because there's a lot of learning when it comes to the intuition, right? We it's not just the A to B D Shitty Committee. There's a lot more to the inside of our bodies than we think, right?

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I have more questions. I want like like self-trust is big, right? Self-care is big. Uh, another one that's really big and I hear a lot about is boundaries, right? Protecting energy, protecting peace. Like, I mean, I'm sure your clients, when they come to you and they're like, you know, I have this to do, but I know I need to look after myself, right? If looking after myself, I can't do for my family what I want to do. How do you how do you deal with those challenges? Like, how do you explain to your clients, you know, you need to set boundaries, right? And how like where do you start? Where do you start setting boundaries?

Journaling, Reflection, And Processing Emotions

SPEAKER_01 43:58

That is great. So I don't say to my clients, you need to set a boundary. I don't say that. I will first of all give them that space they need to just let it out. Just let her rip, right? And when they're done, I will go back and say, you know, um, I noticed you said this, right? Um something like, you know, my my husband keeps telling me I need to do this, this, this, and this. And I really I don't desire to. I don't feel like I need to. Um, I feel like the kids could do this. I feel like he could write that kind of thing. I noticed you said that. Um tell me more, you know, tell me more about that. And so we'll get into a conversation, and I'll say, you know, what part of this is um is serving you. I might say something like that. We'll see, you know, whatever the conversation goes to. And they'll be like, huh, not a damn thing of that is serving me. Not a damn thing of that is gonna help me. Not a right, and they just just let it go. Um, I'm like, okay, great. Um, and then I might say, Well, what do you think you might want to do about that? And I just let them drive, you know, and and sometimes they'll say, Well, I'm not gonna do that anymore, or I'm gonna have a talk with my husband, or I'm gonna, whatever it is. Um, because again, they have the answers, they have the answers inside of them. It's just my job and your job to bring it out.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Yeah, yeah, I love it. I love it. So you um do you you teach your clients or you I don't know if teach is the right word, but yeah, you journal with them or you help them to journal, right? Yeah, and so I mean, we all know that journaling kind of helps women process emotions, right? It kind of makes that it, you know, and and we all know that it's good to let the emotions come out, but we're also all very good at pushing them down, right? We're very good at not dealing with them. How how do you explain that you know reflection um can sort of help turn a difficult experience into something insightful and you know create a forward momentum?

For The Woman In The Thick Of It

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Yeah. Um, oh boy, that's a great question. Well, so negative experiences. I I always like I always like to say this. Um, you know, an experience is an experience. And you don't have to label it, you don't have to put a judgment on it. It can just be, it can just be, right? If you want to, it's negative, great. If it's positive, wonderful, whatever. Um what did you learn from it, right? And so um in the Peaceful Pages Collective, that's the group um that I have. It's not coaching, it's just a sanctuary for women to walk into virtually and their shoulders drop. They don't have to be, they are not expected anything of them, they're just they do have to be. They can that's the just be it, right? But nothing is expected. And so with journaling, I might give a prompt like um what was a time in your life when you set a boundary and it wasn't respected, right? So they'll they'll journal that out. What was a time that you set a boundary and it was uncomfortable? Journal about that. Um, what did it feel like when you got comfortable setting boundaries? Journal about that. Um, and so that kind of brings their experiences up, allows them to kind of examine them uh and grow from that. Where was I going with this? There was something else. Oh, a couple of my members in Peaceful Pages hate journaling, they just hate it with a passion. And so I tell them, that's cool. You don't you don't have to journal, you can just sit there, you can meditate, you can, you know, just be, you can doodle, you can paint, you whatever you want to do, do that, right? Whatever, whatever your intuition, whatever that little voice is saying, do do that, right? If it's to pour your heart out on the page, great. If it's to paint, great. If it's to take a black crayon and just oh all over the page, great, do that. Um, but above all means, above everything else, get whatever it is out of your head and out of your heart.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

Yeah, yeah. And that's what it comes down to, right? Allow the feelings to feel, right? What they say, I think that's all they say. Feel the feels, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Feel those feelings. Oh, it might be uncomfortable. It probably will be. But here's the thing: you gotta go through the uncomfortable stuff to get to the good stuff.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

I say this from experience.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Yeah, yeah. And I think you know, many of us in our age group can say that, right? Nothing, nothing comes easy, right? There's a struggle with so much, right? Yeah. So, Wendy, for the women that are listening, and currently in the middle of some kind of a challenge or setback, probably exhausted, questioning herself, but yet still determined to move forward. What would you want her to know about being determined, not distracted, might be preparing for her?

Closing Invitations And Community

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Oh my gosh. Being determined and not distracted. Being determined in your element, in your energy, in your self-care, um knowing who you are, knowing what you want, knowing what you desire, and then just letting it be easy. Just let it be easy. As opposed to um, you know, the burnout, the anxiety, the stress. Oh if you're feeling like whatever's coming up for you from this episode, notice it. Send it love and like and then ask yourself, hmm, what do I want to do with this? And just take that next step.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

I love that. I love that. So your work is great. I mean, it's beautiful, but it's also like a reminder that peace isn't passive, right? It's powerful and intentional and a choice you get to make. So thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today. Like this was awesome. I mean, I mean, obviously, it's a bit of a passion of mine. So going into the whole itty bitty shitty committee and you know, all the effects of it is, you know, I love it. I love the conversations around it. So thank you so much. I know that thank you. Um, yeah, we will have your contact information in the show notes. So, you know, listeners, please reach out to um Wendy when you can. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to continue the conversation inside the Bloom Room, a private space where women reflect deeper, share honestly, and support one another as they reconnect with themselves and step into their next chapter. If you're listening and feel called to go deeper, whether that's working through a season of change, rebuilding your confidence, or learning how to live with more clarity and self-trust, you're also invited to explore coaching with me. You don't have to do this alone. And finally, if you've ever felt the nudge to share your story or your voice on this podcast, consider this you're an invitation to join me here on Confidence in Bloom. This space is for women who are determined to grow without being distracted from who they truly are. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for choosing yourself. And we'll talk next time on Confidence in Bloom.

SPEAKER_00 52:52

Thanks for listening. This show was brought to you by Divas That Care. Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divasThatcare.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.