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How to Honor Equines in Equine Partnered Coaching
Join Host Joyce Benning as she interviews a her guest Kate Neligan on today's Robust Lifestyles Podcast.
Kate Neligan is an equine-partnered coach, healer, and animal communicator whose life’s work is devoted to the human-animal bond. Kate pairs her intuitive gifts with those of the horses to help people access their own inner power and connect to their life purpose. Kate has been a best-selling author, TEDx speaker, corporate marketing VP, and Huffington Post writer. She has a Master’s in Spiritual Psychology and is certified in Equine Experiential Education. In equine coaching sessions, she facilitates life-changing transformation with horses and humans around the country. In animal communication sessions, she bridges humans and their beloved pets for conversations and healings that spark positive change.
Kate Nelligan returns to discuss the vital importance of honoring equines in equine-partnered coaching by creating respectful relationships before, during, and after sessions. She advocates for a paradigm shift that recognizes horses as equal partners rather than tools or assistants, emphasizing the powerful transformation that occurs when horses are given genuine choice and respect.
• Before sessions: Assess if horses want to participate in coaching work and their individual preferences
• Language matters: Stop saying we "use" horses—they are partners, not tools or assistants
• Give horses genuine choice to participate or decline participation in activities
• During sessions: Stay flexible and read equine energy, being willing to adjust plans when horses communicate
• Horses need breaks, just like humans do, especially during their natural meal times
• After sessions: Express gratitude and allow horses to clear energy through movement, rest, and visualization
• Treating horses as equals builds trust, rapport, and more authentic coaching experiences
• Each horse has a unique "love language" for receiving appreciation after sessions
• Working in herds when possible reduces pressure on individual horses
• Energetic clearing after sessions helps horses release absorbed client emotions
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It's Divas that Care Radio Stories, strategies and ideas to inspire positive change. Welcome to Divas that Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone. This is a global movement for women, by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations. To find out more about the movement, visit DivasThatCarecom after the show. Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
Speaker 2:Hello to all. Welcome to Divas that Care Network. I am Joyce Benning, and I will be your host for this such an invigorating, robust lifestyle show. I'd like to first of all thank each one of our listeners that have tuned in live today and the ones that will be listening to the recording on our podcast. I am just so very grateful for each one of you, and you are all in for a very special treat today, as I have my returning monthly diva, kate Nelligan, with me, and she is going to speak about how to honor equines in equine-partnered coaching. Oh man, this is going to be a great interview, kate. Could you please introduce yourself to our listeners today?
Speaker 3:Sure, Thanks as always for having me. I'm an equine-partnered life and career coach, animal communicator, author and healer and speaker, and I'm really excited for our topic today.
Speaker 2:Oh awesome. Yes, I am too. Anytime it says equine, I get excited because that's where my heart's at, so I'm excited. So how would you like to start to explain to our listeners today on honoring the equines in the equine partnered coaching, be it with you or be it with anyone that does equine partnered coaching? How would you like to start it out today, Kate?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so essentially, I think about this in two ways. One, this information is really for anyone working with horses it's, you know, focusing in under the equine assisted activities and learning, and also I kind of hold the context in three different ways. One is before doing the work, before a session, during a session and then afterwards, and it can look the same in training, it can look the same in riding, it can look the same in any activity. Certainly, as a coach working with horses, in personal and professional development, this is something I'm really passionate about teaching to other coaches, other educators, because I believe there isn't enough conversation about this happening and this is a full course that I teach, so we're only going to briefly touch on it today.
Speaker 2:Okay, oh, yes, well, I so agree with you, because so many times it's overlooked on how to honor the equines. We're too busy focusing on the humans that we fail to honor them, and they are the ones that are playing equine partner coaching. So, as we go into it, how do you start by honoring him in the beginning, before you even have a session?
Speaker 3:Well, in many ways, you know, we as humans in the past have not always looked at ourselves as equals to horses or to animals in general. And you know, often when we have kids, our kids want to play a certain sport and so we allow them to do that. Other times I've seen parents kind of force their kids to play a certain sport and so we allow them to do that.
Speaker 3:Other times I've seen parents kind of force their kids to play certain sports and the kids are unhappy and you know there can be a lot of rebellion and all of that, and to a certain level, there's a form of disrespect that happens with that. And I find it the same with the horses. First of all. Does the horse even want to be doing this work? Do they want to coach? Do they want to teach? First of all, does the horse even want to be doing this work? Do they want to coach? Do they want to teach? And if so, what are they best at?
Speaker 3:I have one horse that's an incredible healer, another that's actually much better at teaching, and so then I'm really taking on more of the coach role. And they each are very different and individuals, like we all are. So it's knowing our horses well by watching them. Certainly, if we have training in animal communication, that helps to actually be able to hear and sense and see what they're showing us and to be able to ask them directly. Is this something you want to be involved in? And it's also setting their health their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies up really well for this work, so health-wise. It's making spiritual bodies up really well for this work, so health-wise. It's making sure that they have food before beginning work. It's the same with riding no-transcript, so it's also, you know, making sure that they're having a good day, like if they're sick, like I'm actually not feeling great today. You can probably hear it in my voice.
Speaker 3:You know, is it I'm giving myself permission to rest more today. So what do they need before they just go into a session? There are a lot of I call ranches or farms that feel like they have to make a certain amount of money or have to do a certain amount of activities in a week. But what happens is the horses take the toll, and so it's, you know, and it's just because one client might want to work with one specific horse and then that horse maybe gets used to use a lot of people's words more than others. And that brings me to my second point.
Speaker 3:We don't talk about this work as using, and I find that it's easy to say it because you know, you say I use my chiropractor or I use my horse or I use this pen. It's a common word. But if we bring even just awareness to that language and we don't use use, horses also aren't assistants, so I have a hard time calling it equine-assisted activities. I still do, because it's the common word. But they're also not our assistants if you think about the way that word is defined. They truly are our partners, they're our co-coaches, they're our equals, and so we don't use them. We can incorporate them in coaching. But I like to say that I partner with them, I work with them, and so the language is one piece in how to honor them. Another is knowing if the horse even really wants to do the work and how they're best at doing the work and if that specific day is the best day for them to do the work. So staying in the now moment is another way.
Speaker 3:Those are ways that we can all look at honoring them before we do this work with them. And again it can really. This goes to everything. You know we don't use a horse for dressage. You ride with them, you partner with them.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And do they enjoy dressage? Some horses do, not all do.
Speaker 2:So? And do they enjoy exercise Some horses do not all do so it's really knowing what's the right fit. Yes, oh, how I agree with you so much because with the three I have, I mean one of my horses is just he's. I kind of call him the powerhouse of energy, because you can just feel his energy. He's just a very energetic horse and he just gives that off to you too. And knowing your horses, I think is very important too, is learning to know them and feel what they are feeling and like with him, with his energy.
Speaker 2:And, like you said, you weren't feeling good today.
Speaker 2:I kind of thought when you got on, I thought your energy sounded just a little lower and to be able to pick up on your horses too and to know if they're not feeling well then it's not their day. I mean, give them that break and respect that, rather than push and think, oh, they have to do it because I have this to do and that to do with them. No, if we don't feel like it, we kind of, like you said, take a little bit of a break and take a day of rest. So I agree so much with you is to look at it beforehand and you'll have a much better journey in whatever you are doing as you're doing it, if you take those that time before to check it out also, and then even during, like how do you are you watching? And I'm sure you are, just like like when you ride too, you're watching the horses very closely during to see if they are enjoying and participating in what they are doing. How do you monitor that during a session?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so during is really important as well, because obviously the client experience is important, your experience is important, and so is the horse's. So now you have three different parties, and client might mean one person, it might mean multiple people, and you know a horse or horses or equines, like donkeys, they need to have choice, and so, while not everyone has the luxury of a multi-acre ranch, I understand that I'm very lucky.
Speaker 3:And I work within a herd, so it's not there's no pressure on just one horse. I have obviously worked in round pens with just one horse, you know, and round pens can be great. I just think that I've been sitting with some of the certification programs that are out there and how the majority of the teaching for a couple of the big ones are just round pen work and that's really it. That's the only context that a human is going to get with a horse is either the horse is haltered and so they are fully within the human's control, or they're in a round pen where they really can't leave.
Speaker 3:They can't choose to get out, and I've been to demos and workshops where the horse doesn't want to be in there and it's all about.
Speaker 3:Well, we need to get the crying outcome rather than saying let's actually pause this, let's take a couple more minutes, let's bring in another horse that wants to be here. That has happened to me. I had a horse stand at the gate and say I don't want to do this, and I walked over and I said are you done? And she said yes, and we brought in another horse and it was so perfect because that new horse's name was ideal for the workshop and it was you know. He was so excited to be there. It worked out beautifully. We have to be willing to stay flexible.
Speaker 3:We have to be willing to stay in the moment and to read the energy of what the horses are communicating. And we also have to be willing to really show up and serve the client on our own. And while they come, sometimes for the horses and we know that that's a huge piece to them I have seen horses say this client is too in their head, this client is not ready to change and you need to take care of this. And I've had my mare walk to the gate of the round pen and said I'll be here until the end of the session.
Speaker 3:She didn't need me to go bring her back to her home, but she definitely was like it's yours passing the baton and so we have to really be confident, yeah, in our own skills and abilities to carry a coaching session, and I also think we need to educate the clients about this up front too.
Speaker 3:Like listen, I know that you're here to partner with these horses, but I'm not going to force a horse to do anything. My goats did not want to be part of the sound bath recently. They were fine in the beginning. They said hello to everyone, but once there were too many people in the space they bolted and I tried to get them back in and they followed me everywhere and they wanted nothing to do. And I realized that when I was trying to make it happen for the outcome of the group and then I said forget it, what am I doing? I always give my animal choice and I explained it to them. At the end I said I'm sorry the goats weren't at your feet for this experience, but your eyes were closed anyway and I have to give them choice. So it's really reading what's going on.
Speaker 3:And next time we'll set that sound bath up in a bigger space so that the goats don't feel cramped and I and I think, that's the thing it's like really reading each animal and knowing you know how they're doing, how they're feeling, and sometimes they may present some resistance. That's not about them actually leaving a session, but it's about them teaching the client that the client has resistance, and then we have a great conversation around that. So it's really being so much in your intuition and understanding of that human horse connection, which does take time to develop right. New coaches need to learn these skills, but that will help make the sessions really powerful and that's how to really honor them, instead of it just being about honoring the clients. I've seen too many human-centric models in this space and I think the world really needs to start to change, and I'm just glad to be one of the people talking about it with you right now.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, oh, I am too, because I agree so much. I mean, I feel the horses, the goats, the animals have a living soul too. They have feelings, just like we do, and we need to honor them. And I've seen it, even when friends have come out and they want to go see the horses. Maybe one of my horses is like no, I don't want any part of this, and they'll just walk away. And I'm like that's fine, this just isn't what they want to be involved in, and that's okay. And then one of the others will come up and be right with the person that wanted to be around the horse and they're fine with it.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is to me. That's like you said you have to watch it during and see what's happening and to honor that. I think that is huge too, to honor what these animals are saying to you and what their feelings are, just like with the goats. That was a great example of how you tried to get them back in when they follow you everywhere and they were like, nope, I'm not going back in. And you honored that.
Speaker 3:And that was awesome it was too much for them, and then you know what can happen. The experience there's a lot of other components for them to have a wonderful time there and, honestly, sometimes it's not always about touching animals. It's really about can you feel their energy just by being with them, can you get a lot of information just by observing them? My work is going to the next level at some point this year as I work with wild horses, because it's going to be about you can't get out and touch all of them, but what kind of horse experience can you have where you let that energy in? It sounds like you're gouting. Does this like where you have that ability to really receive from the horses even though you're not touching? And we have to realize, like you know, we just went to a certain degree through a more touchless society over the last couple of years, going through what we did, and there's a lot of ways to connect even without that Right, and so we have to learn different ways to connect that honor each other's bodies and beings, bodies and beings.
Speaker 3:And yeah, I just think that. You know, I I love to when my clients can read it for themselves and I don't have to say anything. So I had girls out recently that were. I said, yeah, go ahead and brush my horse, salita, she loves it, yeah, and she would keep walking away from them and didn't really want it. And I said, girls, how do you know? And know, and? And they said, well, she's walking away and she just we just feel that she's not interested. I'm like, yeah, I agree with you, so what else is possible here?
Speaker 3:right, and so they they stopped and then they watched what, what Phoenix was doing, and that's really where the lesson was for all of them there was a group and it was just better that way instead of breaking the group into two. So you, you know, salida was helping me out. They always are. They know what's best for the group. And then later I'm like what was that about? Don't you love being brushed? She's like, yeah, but I want you to do it today. I'm like okay, and they all have opinions, right. So?
Speaker 3:it's like all right, you know like I'm, just because I think my idea is that it's a good way, it's a good experience for a client to brush a horse today. It doesn't mean that it's really for the highest good.
Speaker 3:So we have to constantly let go of our agenda and our expectations in this work. We have to be really good at staying in the moment, pivoting and reading energy, and that is a skill that can take some time to develop. I didn't necessarily have it, you know, in the first few months of doing this work. It's just honed over time. And I do love giving horses choice and ideally working in a herd so it's not just all on one horse. But yeah, I think a lot of people think oh well, this is a luxury that you know you can do it this way. And I said you know you might want to consider whether you should be doing this work if you can't offer it in a way that truly honors the equine If it's just one horse, just a round pen and they have to work because they have to earn their keep you
Speaker 3:might want to rethink if you're really showing the client the highest human-horse connection and human-animal bond, because I don't believe that we get horses just so that they earn their keep. I prefer them to earn their keep. They are not keep, but I don't. I will never have a horse just for that. That is that to me is you know, we're the one that chose to domesticate them. We then have to take care of them. That's our agreement. That's a whole other topic.
Speaker 2:I agree, we could go on for, I think, a whole interview on that one, because I feel the same way. I have lots of examples I can think of when it comes to that. We'll save that for another topic. I loved how you said to stay in the now moment, because I feel that's how my horses are. They live in the now moment and they want me to be there in that now moment and to respect them for how they are feeling.
Speaker 2:So to me, the now moment is so critical and not what? Maybe if it was a group that came out, not maybe what happened in the last session. Why can't that happen with the horse in this session? It's a different day, we're different, we're not the same either, and to me, you need to live in the now moment in so many different ways and it's really amazing how you can connect. For myself, by remembering to live in that now moment, and even even when I think about going outside or look at hearing the birds sing, I mean that's the now moment sometimes when you're just, when you just walk out there and you could have missed that if your mind was elsewhere and you didn't hear that bird singing, and it is uh, it's just critical in my life to live in the now moment.
Speaker 3:I love it beautiful, yeah, and they help us get there. And I find that as facilitators, we just have to practice that quite a bit, because a lot of people will say to me Kate, you just trust them so much and you trust the work so much and I do. I just I find that all of the awe and the wonder comes from just navigating what's going on in this moment with this horse. They will always show us stuff. I don't need to create activities to create breakdowns that create breakthroughs. That will naturally happen if I trust the moment and I trust the horse. And you know, I don't need to force a bunch of stuff to happen so that people get learning. Stuff will.
Speaker 3:they will immediately get learning and, even more importantly than learning, their nervous system is getting regulated just by being in nature, with the horses and five times the size of you know their hearts and all these pieces that naturally happen in inclined energy fields. So to me it's like that's even the bigger benefit is that human gets centered and grounded and calm and present and then, if they, learn something about their leadership style and they went. That's awesome as well, but the first piece is really just that their energy gets regulated so that they can be a better version of themselves and be more in their true nature.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, that is beautifully said. How true that is. I love that. Get more grounded and more figuring out themselves, and that is beautiful. I love that. Well, and as your sessions end, the part of, after how do you honor them after they have done their work, or even if they have decided this isn't their day? I still feel we need to honor them even after everything is done. How do you go about honoring them at that point? Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 3:I love that added piece there of like, even if they didn't do the work, can you still honor them? In some ways? Allowing them to not do the work is the best way to honor them in that day. And they know it. They know that they had a choice, they know that they were not forced to do something and that grows your respect and your rapport with your horse. And it's the same for riding. I mean, there are days when I have a sweet and sassy horse and if she's in sassy energy I don't know if I want to get on her that day. So I am constantly evaluating, you know, what is the best thing for her and for me, and how do we compromise and all of that.
Speaker 3:So my favorite way afterwards is that horses like to get paid as much as humans do they you know, they know that they just showed up and did something for you as a facilitator, as a coach they enjoy a reward, and whether that is whatever that horse love language is for me. You know one of my horses that she loves belly rubs. She loves to be brushed. You know she loves to be talked to like whispered sweet nothings to. That's her favorite.
Speaker 2:Thing.
Speaker 3:The other one needs to have some sort of food, like that's her favorite thing in the world. So it's like I'll bring out, you know, a little bit of carrots, and I don't overload on sugar because, you know, especially being on a grass pasture, but I definitely find that there's ways to really honor them afterwards and make them.
Speaker 3:I often will have the. I will, as we walk out of a session, I will say thank you so much horses, and I'll either call out their names I do it to the goats too. I take a moment, I turn and look at them, I put my hands in prayers and then I say to the clients feel free to share your gratitude with them because you know it's important for the clients to realize that this incredible sentient being that is nonverbal is helping them grow and learn and become the best version of themselves, you know, just by their way of being. And so it takes a moment to really ground it and ground that connection and ground interspecies, you know, relationship. So I love doing that. And then I love paying them and I love them having time off, not having to go right into something else.
Speaker 3:Now there are days when I work in Los Angeles and I go back-to-back and I will switch out a horse if I do more than two to three sessions, and that horse is usually, you know. But I love to take a little walk in between sessions and definitely make sure I walk the horse to water, ideally if horses can have break over their meal times. I had a marijuana say please don't make me work over my meal time, so I always scheduled sessions. She was fed three times a day so that she didn't have to work over lunch because she just was like, hey, this isn't cool, like I have worked through my lunch many times, but that's my choice, right, and I'm now making a choice on her behalf that she wouldn't make.
Speaker 3:That's dishonoring, right. So that's what we have to think about. Like it's our choice to like work through lunch Okay, you know it's not great for our bodies, but it's our choice. But to force another being to do that is not necessarily respectful right um, and it doesn't build bond over the years, which is really what we want for to pull the best out of our horses.
Speaker 3:So I think having breaks is really a great thing. Often, horses need to clear energy after session as well, so they will need to pee. You know, go to the bathroom, they will need to, so they will need to pee. You know, go to the bathroom, they will need to roll. They will need to drink water, they I've I've sometimes seen them need to nap, and so there's lots of ways that they need to move and clear the energy, and then I also I'll have this video up soon on YouTube my Kate Nelling and YouTube but that they, we can also learn to clear their energy fields as well, and we can even do it if we don't have sneaks.
Speaker 3:We can do it right now by just setting the intention. My intention is that any energy that these equines picked up from anyone here today, I'd like to uncreate and destroy it and picture it just being dissolved. You can picture it either flying up to the cosmos, being used and serviced elsewhere, back into the nothingness from which it came, or you can picture it going into the earth and being fully composted and used and serviced for the earth. So I often find that the best thing to do is to make sure that their energy fields are cleared, and ideally after every session. If you can't do it after every session, definitely at the end of the day so
Speaker 3:those are the ways that I honor them afterwards as well. So I feel like we need to think of these the three-step process and know that they're just super energetically sensitive. Someone's described them recently as fragile, and I guess I don't think of the horses like that, but they are or they can be, and so we just have to do our best to set them up for success. The way we set our clients up for success. We tell our clients where to show up and what to dress and where to park, and you know how to pay and what to bring and you know the waivers and everything else. But we need to have the same sort of detailed awareness and planning pre, during and post sessions for our horses as well.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, oh, how true. And like taking breaks we like to take breaks and they need to take a break and thanking them. I love that, because gratitude to us means so much. It means exactly the same to them. I mean, I thank mine all the time for being in my family and for being there for me and yeah, I love that. I love showing gratitude to them. That is beautiful. And Kate says as an equine partnered coach, you have a certification program that you are working on and is coming about. Could you share just a little bit about that with our listeners today also?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'd love to, so this will be something I'll offer at least once yearly, if not twice. It is a six-month program. There's three curriculum modules. The first is really spiritual psychology learning how to work with your own triggers as you are coaching, but also working with other people and their personal and professional growth journey, and so it's really about coaching skills and people skills all from my master's program at the University of Santa Monica and my sort of spin and take on that. The second part is really about horse psychology. It's understanding human-horse connection and the human-animal bond research. It's also a study in animal communication, so it's really what we're talking about here, but it's how do you do this? How do you specifically listen and talk to your horses? And then the third is about success psychology and that is really marketing and business development, understanding which programs you need to set up and pricing.
Speaker 3:And I find that, first of all, there's no certification out there like this, because these are different skills that are really truly like what I find myself to be most successful at, what is me in my practice most successful, and I find that they're the kind of the keystones to a practice. So I'm really excited to be bringing like these three areas of expertise that I've held for the last several years to others, and we have people already interested from all over the country the United States and actually Australia and elsewhere and so I am just really excited to begin in May this year 2022, and then start again for next year, 2022, and then start again for next year. So we're beginning and I'm doing webinars pretty frequently to introduce it to folks through a presentation and through Q&A. So if that's something people are interested in, they can reach out to me through katenelligancom or my email is consciousrockstar at gmailcom and I am happy to send the webinar. It's a free introduction webinar for an hour. People can learn more if they're interested.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, oh, that sounds great. Oh, that sounds like a great program, kate. Oh, I just want to thank you so much for today. You shared such valuable information and then ending it with your certification program Wow, this was incredible. Thank you again so much, kate. I loved every moment.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:You are welcome and I want to thank all of our listeners for listening to this incredible interview with our amazing diva, kate Nelligan. Please, please, share it with all your family and friends. Check out all the other hosts and their shows on DivasThatCarecom. Have a fantastic day, be kind to all and be sure and remember the tips that Kate gave you today of honoring your horse before, during and after whatever you're doing with them, and give your animals a hug and share all your love with them. Until we connect again on robust lifestyles, stay strong and healthy.
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